February 2008
122 posts
I have a cold
I don’t want too get to graphic here but let’s just say an entire box of tissues wouldn’t be able to stop the fluids coming out of my face right now. Nyquil isn’t taking full effect on me like it usually does! I would really, really, really appreciate it if I just knocked out, right now.
I hate when you’re sleepy as fuck but you have too much shit to do so you...
January 2008
69 posts
I just beyond, beyond failed my history final
I got an F… not even. I got like an M. There’s nothing to blame other than my laziness, but it just irks me. An entire year of 3.83 gpa and finals week I’m down to like a 2.0. Not really. But it’s pretty bad. I think I went down a grade in almost 3 classes. And it’s pitiful really. High school is probably the easiest thing I’ll ever have to accomplish in...
I think I have a problem...
I can’t eat (or look at) anything without imagining a big dollop of cold cream cheese on it. Is that sick?
I finished!
my essay, and I went out to the kitchen to down a bottle of Nyquil and guess what I found? A bag of Halls! I’ve never been so happy to see a little blue bag of throat lozenges. I love that my Dad is always one step ahead of me. I miss my Dad.
Appreciative
Over the last few days, I’ve been feeling low. Really, really low. Sitting in the library today with a friend, I asked him why he was feeling so bad. I mean, he has a beautiful girlfriend, a few great friends, a good family, decent grades. He has a lot to appreciate, and he’s dumb for feeling like death should be upon him. After awhile of convincing him, I realized I needed to...
“I love my girls.
and nothing can beat it. No one knows me better. They see...”
– Misa, on her sisters Jamie and Emmeline
Emmeline's words that made me feel my worth
Anyway, I just read Jamie's "mother" blog. I must say, one of the most beautiful pieces I've ever read from her. I know she's written about me before, so I figure it's my turn to write about her. Beats writing about German art following World War I. I know she sometimes looks at me as a saving counterbalance from her sister, Misa, whom she seemingly has nothing in common with - a claim which I often beg to differ as it only proves true on the surface. In my own conceit, I will allow myself the title of their saving counterbalance because as life would have it, I always end up sitting in between listening to both their arguments and understanding both their points. Since yes, Jamie's and Misa's opposing views do make sense at the same time, there must be some place of agreement, no? No. Cringing patiently as they hash it out at the painful expense of my ears, I wait for the final moment of defeat - on both sides - and offer the happy alternative of eating or men-bashing. Ok, so enough about me and my joys in being their third sister. Back to Jamie. Misa I'll get to you another time, don't worry.
Jamie, you are lovely. You are lovely in your words, in your lack of focus, in your freak-style attire, in your random encounters with the opposite sex, in your fucking insane tantrums, in the leaps you take in the name of love (I know firsthand having you as my personal assistant for my debut, wedding, and all other mental breakdowns reserved for women). You are lovely. The type of respect you command is of the most amusing and irrational kind, respect out of fear. Power is truly yours, but of course, since it is the power of Jamie, it is one of utter ridiculousness as attained through your 5'5 ability to intimidate tall white men, men we call our friends. Well, who am I kidding, men? Let's just call them our friends, who happen to be tall and white. Moving on...
I first met Jamie Nguyen Le on the playground of Mason Elementary school in the third grade, she was in first. She ran up to her dear older sister Misa, and Misa introduced her to me. She pleased me with her friendliness, a trait which only grew out of control as she matured. Years later I was to find, in an old tattered album, a picture of me ice skating, with the two of them in the far back corner of the photo. Fate. So I was destined to be Jamie's BFF. She was reintroduced into my life as a sixth grader in middle school. She entered The Update, the journalism class which I ruled with a soft voice but iron fist... not really. But ask anyone, I owned. I recognized her and when time came for the experts to interview the noobs, I pulled up a chair next to her. And as the years past I watched her develop in our countless shared passions, but especially - that which in we first shared together in that class - the written word. Almost a decade ago I edited her amateur articles, and today I read her blogs in pleased admiration.
Aint you quite an accomplished one, Jamie. You used to tell me I was one you admired. Well, let me tell you something, LIKEWISE. I could name all the reasons why, but I'd like to get some sleep tonight, and if I go through all those reasons in this witty attempt to phrase my words in your honor, I won't be able to. But let me tell you a few. As evidenced by your recent piece of writing, you've grown a lot. Not to pat you on the head as would a loving older sister, but you have. And it's a wonderful thing to see you coming full circle especially in your personal struggles. I had a cut in my finger once, you were concerned but I told you I was good at ignoring pain, and you said "yeah, at many levels." I guess you can see that ability of mine as a show of strength. But you, you taste it, you allow pain to enter and release bitterness inside you until you're ready to spit it out, and after grappling with all its effects you do, you spit out every tiny bit of it (sometimes in the faces of others but usually those deserving so it's ok). I can't do that shit. Likewise, I admire you. Jamie, complete in your brutal honesty, pitiful self-absorption, passionate outbursts, extreme affection, ability to love, beauty, intuition, wit, and daringness, you are lovely.
Hey Jamie, guess what I'm gonna say about you at your wedding, or in the "Jamie" tribute preceding your acceptance of the "Greatness in Literary Journalism" award? hahahah
I'm sick
I’ve got a sore throat, all I want is some Halls, some sleep, and some soup. But of course, that’s impossible. The “higher being” decided He’d throw in an illness the same week as finals. To put it all in perspective for you, I don’t think I’ll be sleeping much for the third day in a row. My eyelids are mad at me, they haven’t seen much air...
Prompt 5: Write a story about your own Mother
My mother and I have never agreed on any matter since before I can remember. She wanted me dressed in pink; I wanted to be outside running around. I wanted to grow out my hair; she wanted it hanging above my shoulders. I wanted to eat burgers; she wanted me to eat her Vietnamese home-cooking. She wanted to re-marry; I wanted her to stay with my father. She wanted to give me everything she...
2 AM makes Mark go insane?
MR5NU443R5: jamie
MR5NU443R5: your my abg
xbrutallyxhonest: what
MR5NU443R5: always and forever
xbrutallyxhonest: what's abg
MR5NU443R5: ASIAN BABYYY GURRRLL!!!
“if u were pho you’d be NUMBA WUN and dac biet.”
– Mark Capil
Likewise
xbrutallyxhonest: i hate school
simplyemmy00: likewise
xbrutallyxhonest: i've been sitting in the same spot for almost seven hours
simplyemmy00: likewise
simplyemmy00: i miss you
xbrutallyxhonest: likewise
simplyemmy00: lol thanks that made me feel good
xbrutallyxhonest: haha
xbrutallyxhonest: good
xbrutallyxhonest: ok back to my essay
simplyemmy00: me too
simplyemmy00: aw fuck
simplyemmy00: likewise!
xbrutallyxhonest: hahaha
simplyemmy00: after i finish being lame and blog this convo
xbrutallyxhonest: hahahha
xbrutallyxhonest: i was going to too!
xbrutallyxhonest: we're gay
simplyemmy00: oh hell yeah
simplyemmy00: no you were supposed to say likewise jamie!!!!
xbrutallyxhonest: hahahha
xbrutallyxhonest: we suck
simplyemmy00: damn we can't even keep a rally going on aim for more than 5 lines
WatchHistory Semester Project POLITICAL PARTIEZ
“… reminds of a fortune cookie I got yesterday that said, age is not a...”
– Adam
Damn it
It’s 12:25 PM and I just fucking started English. Damn it, damn it, damn it.
Ditch
I feel like climbing into one and burrowing myself permanently underneath the ground. Unrelated, I decided not to go to school today so I can finish school work. I’m exhausted, I feel guilty, I feel dumb, I feel gross, I feel embarrassed, and over it all, I feel pain. This of course, doesn’t all relate to my lack of finished work but it all contributes to me, yet again,...
Still procrastinating...
I’m sitting here singing to Matt Costa’s new album and I looked outside my window. It seems like my backyard is dancing along with me.
I HATE LIFE
I just finished editing my video project. JUST FINISHED. I started at 4:53PM. Finished 11:11PM. Now I have to do 16 notecard (half page=discussion of chapter/half page=hand drawn picture), a FIVE PAGE ESSAY, fill out a packet of history, bio lab, and to top it all off, I have to wake up at 5AM to take my dad to the airport. I am so not sleeping tonight.
FUCK THAT
FUCK MAN WTF I hate the FUCKIN SDPD. I got a fucking parking ticket for fucking parking in a parking lot. What the fuck are you supposed to do with a parking lot? You fucking park in it what the fuck. I’m pissed off.
I fucking paid for a fucking bunch of black fucking “too-tight”-for-everyone people to fucking run my party DRY. Ignorant people think they can come and...
Matt Costa is my boyfren
I want to go home and sleep
this night is going to be too awkward.
STacy’s doing the worm next to me she says Hi.
8:18 AM
I got up at 8AM, on a Saturday, falling asleep just a few hours ago at 3 AM. This is ridiculous.
I’m off to Albertos to film for the stupid video. Straight from Alberto’s I will be picking up Leroy to see Matt Costa! Following that, the Sausage Fest party.
If anyone wants to come to the party, just call me for information.
kill me now
Random night. Weird. I’m sleepy, lightheaded, and there’s a hole in my towel.
Insecurities
My entire life is so awkward. I’d appreciate it if everything just stopped for a split second. Just so I can take a breath. I need to stop and smell the roses. Or rather, Gerber Daisies. I prefer them over any flower.
I don’t want to go to school. I don’t want to sit here. I don’t want to go out. I don’t want to stay in. I don’t want to do anything bad. I...
It's Friday Night
and I could be out. But ever I since I was given the key to freedom (and the Corolla) I’ve had the urge to be indoors. So I’m going to go watch some Gilmore Girls and scrub my bathroom. I’ll feel accomplished, and it’ll be real nice.
1 tag
I was wearing thigh-high socks today...
[Chris Caaway in the distance]
Me: Hi babyyyyy!
Chris: *notices my socks* You didn't shave your legs again, did you?
... He knows me so well.
Sausage Fest
We’re throwing a party just because, and errrrybody should come. It’s going to be a good amount of alcohol and me and Stacy in gold bodysuits.
Saturday, Jan. 26, 2008
Hit me up for details.
Bring everyone you know Especially attractive men
Inquire within
We’re providing the drinks, You should provide us with your presence.
Whigs VS. Democrats
AH!
Video Bulletin
I forget why, but today I slapped Eric (my co-host and video partner [not by choice]), LIGHTLY on the face, with the back of my hand. I think he said something to Zareena that I didn’t agree with? Who knows, but the guy stood up and freaked out. He straight up slapped be across my face yelling things like, “I don’t play like that you hit me and I’ll hit you back!”...
Maybe
I should attempt to poke at the growing monster of a pile of work that is resting before me. Or I could watch Never Been Kissed as it is playing in the background while I blog. Y’know, whatever.
Ah! Damn I wish I had a work ethic!
I want to leave the country.
I need to pee so, so bad
I don’t think my bladder has been this full since, well, never. Those two damn sophomores that I spend this period with left, and the door is locked. Therefore, if I leave to take a whiz, I would lock myself out of the classroom. Curse the human anatomy! I take that back. I love the human anatomy.
I was going to spend this time to study for the Skills test I plan to retake in 30...
Cravings
Pancakes
Bagel and cream cheese
Kimchi
French Fries
Corn
Strawberry flavored Special K Bar
Fish Tacos
Shrimp burrito from Rubios
Hot Cheetos
Edit: I re-read this list a few hours after I wrote it and I realized just picturing myself eating this stuff is nauseating.
Edit, Edit: Yeah I ended up eating most of that stuff, only, corn isn’t quite as appealing to me when I don’t...
Reminder
Retake Skills Thurs? with Nick?
Film for History cont. Wed Thurs
Cont. editing video Thurs Fri
Music Video for video class
Great Gatsby
English story: pick, prop, practice
Chap 20, 21 notes
Bio packet due next week (?)
Sleep (maybe)
The Remainder of January
Jan. 23 // Math Group Test History Test
Jan. 24 // Math Skills Test
Jan. 25 // Math Test Biology Project due
Jan. 26 // Matt Costa !!!!! Sausage Fest @ Madonna’s
Jan. 28 // Essay: Joy Luck Club due Notecards: Joy Luck Club due English Final History Project due History Chart due
Jan. 29 // Stacy’s Birthday Bio Packet due
Jan. 30 // Math Final
Jan. 31 // History Final
Feb....
SAUSAGE FEST THIS SATURDAY CELEBRATING STACY AND...
Edit!
I spent my entire day at the Kauler residence editing the video proyecto and fighting with Nick and catching up with Nick and doing math with Nick and discussing sexual things (paha) with Nick. It was reminiscent of the past and when we used to see each other daily. We talked about Carlo and Philippe and Gabe and James, and all the homies off our street and how we’re all a little different...
“When my gut hangs over my boxers so that it covers the logo… does it mean...”
– Mark Capil This is what PMS feels like.
Attempting to flake on someone but not knowing how...
Madonna: tell him im thinking about turning lesbian
Madonna: and you are going to try to tell me not to
J-ME: hahahahhahaha
J-ME: that makes no sense
J-ME: I hate you
Madonna: yes it does
Madonna: you are going to watch man porn with me
Madonna: and make me love penis
Madonna: because you love it so much and you need to show me how to
Madonna: go ahead use it on him
Madonna: but put it in a more serious tone
Madonna: you know you are actually thinking about using it
Kevin
The other night, out of sheer boredom, I texted basically everyone I know to ask them what they were doing. A few responded and later on Kevin Cabardo called me back. I think he assumed that I called him about Madonna’s party (which might happen this weekend?) but miscommunication led to Kevin in my livingroom for a full awkward hour. You never realized how quiet shy people are until...
"History is in the past for a reason."
I spent the majority of the day filming for my history project with an Indian, Chinese, Dominican, and a Laos. Needless to say, I detest history more than ever, and my eyes can barely stay open. I forget why I volunteered to take honors courses. Oh yeah, it was partially because of my overwhelming need to feel that I am above others, which I thought I’d do by showing that I have a larger...
“I like the pantyhose you are wearing in this photo. I think the pantyhose on...”
– Some guy named Matt, random, on Myspace. Myspace really, really turns me off.
Yellow Winkies
Misa: I wonder if I had creases then would my eyes look bigger?
Me: Is everyone's eyeballs the same size?
Misa: Hahaha you should post that question on your Tumblr
Me: No really, I mean we have smaller eye... holes... but is everyone's actual eyeball the same size?
Misa: I don't know, good question.
“Love is patient, love is kind, love will make you lose your mind.”
– The guy from 27 Dresses.
“hey jamie, i enjoyed reading your blog. i felt almost intrusive because of how...”
– Friend Is it really that personal? I almost regret publicizing this. Almost.
Humboldt
Matt left for Humboldt early this morning, so I’m preparing myself for a sad Emmeline. She already claimed that it wouldn’t be as bad as last time because “it’s different.” Last time she didn’t realized she liked him until after he left, this time she’s got him and he’s leaving. Personally I believe that the second one’s worse. I mean, when...
“When I think of chick flicks, I picture your face.”
– Madonna Sarmiento
Is watching chick-flicks bad in any way? I want to see 27 Dresses!